Lessons in Disguise | Flash Post 392

Button, one of the many advices my father-in-law gave me was to count my blessings one by one and it’s one of the wisest lessons he left behind.

In what manner?

A lady staff—let’s call her Reshma—who work for us can make even the sanest person go cuckoo. She finds it difficult remembering the smallest of tasks and once she begins to explain her stand in failing to carry them out, gets lost in a maze.

That must be taxing for you. And her.

Last evening I got back home a little past 8 to discover that none of the chores I’d asked of her were done. The truth is, she hadn’t even got a start on them. On being asked, she proceeded to tell me about her personal life and how badly her family had treated her. Without completing this, she proceeded to tell me about doing a job as a nurse before joining us. Her next tale was how she uses kokum in all the dishes she prepares and all the ingredients she had used last night in a dry potato dish she had cooked after watching YouTube. Mind you, this wasn’t the end. She went on and on like a slow train skipping from one story to the next when the clock chimed nine. I had to jog her memory that she still had to make phulkas, warm up the pets food, lay the table and serve dinner which had already been prepared.

What you are trying to say is that you actually listened to her patiently and slowly guided her through the paces.

Taking stock of the patience I have with her at times makes me stop in my tracks. Not too long back, Reshma would have been sent packing when I suddenly noticed streaks in her which all of us value. She is dedicated. She seems honest and caring. She has a pleasant personality and tries very hard to deliver on her job.

Do you think you are a different person now?

I have often been reprimanded by family members for being impatient when it comes to staff. I too see the change. I try to be kinder, more patient and understanding towards those who are here to make our lives simpler and my tolerance levels have gone up manifold. I’ve also learnt to move on and let bygones be bygones.

But that can’t be a substitute for mediocrity.

What I am saying is that we must learn to prioritise. When she began telling me about things that were of consequence to her, I told myself that the pets wouldn’t go hungry if their food was served half an hour later or that we could wait and have our dinner later than usual. What is important sometimes is to lend a ear to those who have no one to talk to and share their grief.

We must also realise that all of us are not equally clever or gifted. If I catch on to something quickly, another person could take a longer time. And vice versa. We ought to be patient, compassionate, tolerant, less nit-picking and move on with life focusing on bigger issues like growing intolerance, hatred, greed, indifference, selfishness and authoritarianism plaguing our country today.

I guess you’re right.

I count my blessings one by one every now and then. Reshma, with all her complexities came and taught me how to be a little more patient, kind, tolerant and compassionate and I have her to thank for making me into a better person.

14 Comments

Sham Rodrigues February 14, 2020 at 10:58 am

I don;t know how many people would admit to this and change things for the better. Kudos to you ma’am. My aunt is so mean and horrible to her house maids that I just feel like leaving the house everytime she does this. It disturbs me a lot when the vulnerable are ill treated and just badly spoken to like they are from the gutters or something. I will make my aunt read this post today itself!

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- author February 16, 2020 at 12:31 pm
  
  My dear Sham,
  
  I don’t know how I would have reacted had I been in your aunt’s place—maybe she was disturbed or having a really bad day—but being compassionate towards those who have left hearth, home and families behind to come and do menial jobs for you is humane. And I’m sure we are all aware of this.
  
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vandana shetty February 14, 2020 at 11:01 am

i have always grown up in a house where my parents and grandparents taught me to respect people and especially those who work for us and who are not as fortunate as us. They have a lot of problems. They leave their families behind. Some of them have even lost their spouses or children or are victims of abuse. And yet, for them to come into our house and serve us, it is truly a tough task. But they do it day after day because they need the money.

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- author February 16, 2020 at 12:58 pm
  
  My dear Vandana,
  
  I know what you mean because I have seen my own mother treat staff like family. I admit I am in no way like her but I try. If I’ve had a bad day I end up lashing out at the staff for chores badly done at times but I have slowly realised my shortcomings and try very hard to rectify them.
  
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Ruby Mascarenhas February 14, 2020 at 11:05 am

I feel like slapping my neighbours or just calling the police and complaining about mental torture to them. Throughout the day they are shouting and screaming at their staff one of who is an elderly man. His children threw him out so now he has not option but to work and earn money. Thankfully he knows how to cook and so he got a job. People actually take out other frustrations and problems on these poor people because they cannot talk back.

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- author February 16, 2020 at 4:56 pm
  
  Dear Ruby,
  
  All we can do is do our bit by behaving humanely with those who work for us. Hopefully your neighbours will learn their lesson in good time and rectify themselves.
  
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rohan joshi February 14, 2020 at 11:14 am

People don’t only suffer from problem at home or in their marriages. Some people are also genuinely slow and take longer to understand. Words snd numbers just swim before their eyes and they’ll look at you with a blank stare for a while. That blank stare is nothing but them trying to process information. But people don’t understand this. They are impatient and actually ridicule such people.

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- author February 16, 2020 at 5:22 pm
  
  My dear Rohan.
  
  What you just said rings a bell because our latest recruit is a caricature of the character you described. She was telling us that before reporting for duty each day, she has a list of chores all worked out in her head but, just before starting out, that list gets blurred and she is unable to do anything.
  
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Owais Shah February 14, 2020 at 11:16 am

My grand parents used to actually sit and eat with the staff in their homes. They would not eat till the staff also joined them. That is how much respect and love the earlier generations were capable of giving.

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- author February 16, 2020 at 5:28 pm
  
  My dear Owais,
  
  I too remember my parents treating staff members like family and with the respect due to them.
  
  While I try, I am nowhere being close to them and it shames me.
  
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disha salgaonkar February 14, 2020 at 11:30 am

We misbehave with only those people who we can exercise power over. The weaker ones, the ones who cannot answer back are the ones we exploit. I have heard of children leaving their parents at train stations or at temples and never coming to pick them up. Human beings are very cruel. I have learnt 2 new things about you ma’am today. That you have OCD and that you have also been unnecessarily unkind to your staff. Thank you for being honest,.

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- author February 16, 2020 at 6:51 pm
  
  My dear Disha,
  
  You must be familiar with the phrase “honesty is the best policy” and I abide by that. I am also bi-polar and sparred with depression for quite a while.
  
  All human beings are not cruel. Some are kind, others not so kind and some are cruel. You get to meet them all in one lifetime and that moulds you into the kind of person you ultimately become.
  
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Ratan Khatri March 7, 2020 at 9:39 am

I have a younger brother who is dyslexic and it’s never been easy for him to cope with his studies in school, college so we had to let him do it through correspondence. He can’t read like the rest of us. He takes time to understand and there are plenty things that he never understands despite his best efforts. Too much information floats before his eyes and he’s lost. They are already frustrated with life, they have anxiety and it we should ensure a comforting environment around them.

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author March 9, 2020 at 1:20 pm

My dear Ratan,

I think God sends these special people our way because he knows we will take care of them. And not everyone is equally good in reading or school lessons or comprehending things. Very often these special people are excellent in some other activity like sports or music or the arts. Try talking to him like a friend and find out where his interests lie. He could shock you.

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