Flip Flop | Flash Post 318
My dear Button, remember the period beginning April of last year till the beginning of this year when I plunged into depression?
Clearly. How can anybody in this family not remember what a harrowing year you went through! Even our pets realised something was not right and kept to themselves, barked less and made an effort not to hassle you. It was like a candle burning bright when, all of a sudden, an invisible hand reached out and gutted the flame. I remember that phase clearly because you suddenly metamorphosed from someone who was active every second of the day to someone who couldn’t perform the most basic of tasks, could not make simple conversation, loathed being all by herself, waited for weekends when the family would be at home and hated Sunday evenings when you’d realise they’d return to work the following morning, had suicidal thoughts, could not take simple decisions, wore a blank look on your face all the time, dreaded going out of the house, hated facing anybody, didn’t understand what was happening to you or in the world out there and, basically retired into a cocoon.
That was one of the toughest phases in my life. I’ve heard of people of every age group—from teenagers to aged people who are struck by depression and who, even after several years, haven’t been able to come out of it and, for lack of an alternative treatment, continued taking the medication psychiatrists prescribe that throws one’s system into complete turmoil. When I went and met my psychiatrist, he told me clearly about the side-effects of those drugs, one of them being weight gain. I was very concerned and worried but he also assured me that I’d lose that weight once I went off the medication post recovery.
I also remember how the family would call in for food because you had no intention or urge to prepare all the yummy dishes you cook for us.
All I wanted to do was wait for bedtime when I’d climb into bed, curl up and go to sleep, never to wake up again. I also hated the idea of waking up in the mornings and facing a new day as well as those I’d known for years.
I also remember how the family rallied around you, protected you and prayed to God to pull you out of that whirlpool.
With their assistance and understanding, I clung on to the sides of a cliff because I knew that where there was darkness, there would also be light. Where there was sadness, joy would follow. Where there was a feeling of complete hopelessness, I’d start feeling hopeful one day and, true enough, after a long and tough year, I started to feel better and realised I was on the verge of recovery, albeit slowly. That was a joyous moment for me and the family. Today, I feel that I am a better person in every aspect, I am more confident of what I do, I enjoy life a lot more than I ever did, I am more humane to not only human beings but towards every form of life in general, I enjoy the art of giving much more than I ever did and enjoy every little thing I do. I have also lost some weight but have been able to retain some of it in the right spots.
It’s hilarious how the family rag you for being shapelier and curvier now than you ever were, especially Dost.