Beti Ya Beta—Give Them Both A Chance To Live! | Flash Post 357

Button, when I was young and seventeen, I remember my father trying to find a groom for me. I wasn’t pretty in the least–in fact, I was just the opposite! I was dark-complexioned, skinny and awkward about most things being in my adolescence. Leave aside marriage, I had not figured out anything about my life!

Why the haste in getting you married?

For some weird reason, most parents in our time felt they had to get their daughters married off at a particular age or else they’d never find a groom. Any groom! Certainly not if they crossed the magical numbers of 18 to 21.

That’s so weird! Which means that the girl child is born to get married off when she’s a child herself to bear children?

You’ve just said it. It wasn’t like that for the boy though! The boy could get married at a much older age after completing his education so he could find himself a good job and later marry the girl of his choice or worse, wave his degree under the noses of the prospective girl’s family, to get a fatter dowry!

That’s so rotten!

I’ve tried to draw a picture of the way issues like these were played out and continue to play out even now, maybe in fewer numbers. Girls were never treated on par with boys. They were the lessor of the two, meant to be around to do household chores till she reached marriageable age only to be shunted away.

I am shocked.

Today, when I saw a young woman having breakfast all by herself at a dining club this morning in Singapore, it made me feel emotional and very very proud. Post breakfast, she opened a newspaper and began scanning though its pages. She was alone and seemed self-confident and self-assured.

Barididi and chotididi are exactly like that, don’t you think. They are young, independent women who know exactly how they want to live their lives and are going about it with full gusto! They love their work. They love their family. And they are proud of the way they are steering their lives.

I am very proud of them. Though I bring grooms to the table–sometimes authentically and most times in jest– I know that they’ll continue to live their lives the way they want, our flowchart be damned.

10 Comments

Vineet Dhar April 11, 2019 at 3:24 pm

You have 2 daughters author? I have one daughter and my wife and I are so happy that we don’t feel the need to try again in the hope that we will have a son…we will raise her better than most people raise their sons. A lot of people do that and that’s why some couples end up have 4 or 5 kids…it’s time they changed their outlook..

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- author April 12, 2019 at 5:37 pm
  
  Dear Vineet,
  
  It was the same with my parents. I have a younger sister and our parents were very happy with us. Never did they regret not having a son. Similarly for us. We are a happy foursome and we are very contented the way we are.
  
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girija mathur April 23, 2019 at 10:22 am

I guess I’m lucky then..although I got married at 19 it was to the boy I was in love with from school. There was no pressure. Purely by choice. Infact people asked us if we were sure about getting married so early. Different people different experiences I guess..I’m sure plenty girls all over the country and forced to get married due to societal pressure.

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- author April 28, 2019 at 11:54 am
  
  Dear Girija,
  
  I feel the percentage of girls getting married have shrunk. There may be others who still get married at very young ages but those numbers are few and far between. Some kind of mutation has taken place where millennials have seen a different route and want to travel that route in search of independence, the right to do their own thing, love who they want and be completely free.
  
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zayd haji April 23, 2019 at 10:47 am

Dear Girija, I think you’re a rare example. Author is absolutely right…it’s sad but true. Sometimes girls in this country are treated like live stock. Stamped and sold. Very few of them are privileged to have a choice and those who aren’t, have to live through the ignominy and humiliation of spending the rest of their lives with a man who doesn’t love them or respect them.

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- author April 28, 2019 at 12:26 pm
  
  Hi Zyed,
  
  Thank you for replying to Girija. She’s one lucky girl I must say and I wish her the very best. But life can be very tough for millions of women who regret having got married and young girls out there who are forced to get married because all her parents thought of doing was to shunt her away as quickly as they could so she wouldn’t be a burden on them.
  
  But I’m happy for Girija who sees life through rose-tinted glasses.
  
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Sheena Paintal April 25, 2019 at 9:26 am

Dear author, you say ‘Girls were never treated on par with boys. They were the lessor of the two, meant to be around to do household chores till she reached marriageable age only to be shunted away.’

But what is so disrespectful in keeping a home and doing household chores? There is as much respect in this as there is in going off to office. We have to change our own pattern of thinking first.

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- author April 28, 2019 at 6:46 pm
  
  My dear Sheena,
  
  But isn’t our pattern of thinking flawed that the girl child has to do household chores because ultimately her parents will get her married? Why can’t she train in something close to her heart and do both side by side! I’m not saying that household chores are demeaning but, then, why aren’t boys also made to do them?
  
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Twisha Nandikar April 25, 2019 at 9:33 am

Is yours an arranged marriage or love marriage author? I have been in an arranged marriage from the age of 21 and I wish I could reverse my decision today. My parents insisted despite me saying I wasn’t ready. It’s my life and I should’ve had the right to decide. Maybe I would have fallen in love or maybe I wouldn’t want to get married. Whatever it is, it is still my choice.

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author April 28, 2019 at 7:04 pm

My dear Twisha,

I wouldn’t call ours a love marriage and neither was it arranged! We met and, after a few years, decided to get married. The initial years were turbulent but we managed to steer ourselves out. Be positive. Don’t have regrets and everything will work out fine.

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