July 27. “Button, the news I am about to give you is hilarious.”

“Good. I need it because I am feeling slightly under the weather.”

“Why are you feeling under the weather?”

“I don’t know. You know how it is. Sometimes you feel low and there’s no particular reason behind it.”

“I understand what you mean. Now listen to this one—A couple from Southampton have reported their pet cat to the police because he won’t stop nicking knickers!”

“What?”

“Sachi. Oscar who is 13 has already stolen more than 70 items, ranging from frilly knickers to rubber gloves, socks, gardening tools and, even a paint roller. Earlier in the week, he brought home, one by one, 10 pairs of children’s underpants.”

“This is bizarre.”

“Oscar thought he was bringing gifts for the couple and would bring item after item and drop them at their feet. It started out with him bringing home rubbish and then the quality started improving till they got worried and reported the matter to the police.”

“Is that him in the picture?”

“That’s Oscar who, incidentally, has a lovely personality.”

P.S. Button, if you don’t find your underpants, remember where to look…