Dear Readers, you may notice the dates of the Blog do not match the Flash Post dates which are in real time. The blog was written in 2009 and saw the light of day 6 months back when my younger daughter discovered it and decided to bring it to you here.
To Do or Not To Do | Flash Post 468

To Do or Not To Do | Flash Post 468

Button, those years were painful!

What do you mean by “to do or not to do…?”

I’ll come to that but those were the years when Dost and I had to socialise often because his work demanded it!

Socialise as in attend get-togethers? You mean to say you didn’t like going to parties! What’s not to like about partying? There’s food, there’s music, there are friends you meet, friends you make! I love to party!

It’s not so simple, Button. Most of the people at those parties were people Dost already knew because he had met them in the course of his work and they him. Some would be fresh faces he’d meet at the party; others would be those who knew of him and wanted to meet with him. And he’d be very comfortable chatting with them about a gazillion things.

What would you do during those times?

Keep quiet mostly and listen to people talk. At times I’d add my two bits but the question I dreaded most was “And what do you do?” That’s when I’d go into panic mode— my face would turn beetroot red and I’d start sweating profusely wishing Mother Earth would open up and swallow me whole!

Why?

Because I felt that I was expected to do something and be someone —like a writer, a painter or a musician or someone important like those around me. Not just someone with no calling! I felt insignificant and felt people were judging me and there came a time when I’d become very anxious every time Dost told me that such and such person was having a get together and that we’d have to make a brief appearance. And the panic would start and last till the day of the event and guess what made me happy and dance with joy!

I guess it would be when Dost called to say that he wouldn’t be able to go to the get-together as he was going to be at work till very late!

You’re absolutely right, Button. The fact that I suffer from hypertension must be a consequence of the anxiety I went through!

But what’s not okay about telling those who ask you what you do that you don’t do anything?

That’s not how I felt then. When you are meeting writers and film makers and painters and musicians and politicians all the time and someone were to ask you as to what you do, you’d be wondering as to why you aren’t like one of them. People who use their time to do something significant! After a point of time, my confidence started to wane and I’d make excuses so I didn’t have to go!

Did you feel less of a being not being one of those who you felt were doing wonderful things with their lives?

Oh, absolutely! It made me question my self-worth.

What about now? Would you still feel less of a person if someone asked you what you do?

I’d be one hundred percent at ease telling them that I have all the time in the world to do nothing.

That’s wonderful! The fact that you have all the time in the world to do nothing at all is your business and nobody else’s!

That’s why  I’ve called this post what I have.